||[Mar. 20th, 2010|03:27 pm]
|||||Way over Yonder: Carole King||]|
Lately life has been pretty shitty for me here in Blacksburg.
I hate my job as of late, everyone is just so negative and immature and it is really starting to drive me crazy. In addition to the fact that my boss is always late getting out schedules and paychecks out to us. To make it all worse I keep having dreams about all my co-workers who have been bothering me lately. It just sucks to go into a place and immediately feel on edge. I have to go to work in an hour and I have not been able to enjoy any part of my day because of it. I just really really want out of this place.
To make things worse Matt has been really depressed and moody lately, which has been wearing me down tremendously and I can't seem to get any emotional support out of him at all. He doesn't know what he's doing with his future and he's at a major crossroad. His family has all been talking to me about it as well, and I just don't know what to do or say anymore.
Then of course this past week was another anniversary of my assault which always makes me feel overwhelmed with anxiety- though I'm getting better about it. Its more of an abstract "gray cloud" that looms instead of a concrete and almost tangible fear.
But to make it all worse I feel like I'm not much fun to be around either because I'm so upset all the time. I just don't know how to rid myself of this feeling of being surrounded by negativity.
Then of course I really don't have very many friends here- like 2 or 3- at this point because most of the people I care about have all moved on with their lives and out of Blacksburg.
I just can't wait to leave. I really feel like this is a horrible environment for me at the moment.